Time with myself

Today I felt to write a post. What about? I’m not really sure, but I want to let the fingers fly and see what comes out of me.

Tomorrow I’m going to turn off my phone, shut down my computer and do a three-day complete technology detox. It was recommended to me by a mentor/teacher of mine and I felt this was the time. I had nothing on so why not? My ego could think of a million reasons not to do it, but I decided not to listen. So, instead I’m going to take long country walks, meditate, do some gentle yoga, cook some nourishing food and just sit in my own company, even when this is really uncomfortable, boring, painful, or whatever other resistance my ego decides to unleash onto me. No TV, no whatsapp, no google – nada…

At first I was excited and I really looked forward to the peace. But now it comes to the evening before, I’m feeling a lot of resistance and doubt. ‘Do I take myself/life too seriously?’, ‘Is it a bit extreme?’, ‘Am I cutting myself off from people when I should be connecting?’, ‘Am I missing the point or getting it wrong?’… Oh yes, my ego knows which of my most sensitive buttons to press.

But, I guess that’s why I’m doing it. For whatever reason, I am on an absolute mission, with laser-beam focus, to find a good, balanced relationship with my ego, and these three days will offer yet another opportunity to really sit down with my ego and come to know it more intimately. To get to know its twists and tricks, so that I no longer need to be held in its thrall. I absolutely honour my ego for being a vital part of my being in this three-dimensional realm, where we need to be separate beings with our own egoic identities to exist. I guess it always tries to protect me and only ever does what it thinks is best for me. But, the thing is, its perception of who I am is woefully inadequate. It believes I need to stay in this tiny little three-dimensional box that it’s prescribed for me – if I try and leave the box it will either scorn me for being so big-headed/presumptuous/arrogant, or it will remind me how weak and pathetic I am, so I should just stay where I am. Bless the ego – if it’s not bigging you up it’s putting you down!

So, to come into more of a balanced relationship, I need to demonstrate to the ego in no uncertain terms that I am far more than it thinks me to be. Every time it tries to tell me otherwise, I need to listen instead to the other voice within me – the quiet, calm voice at my still-point centre that knows I am vast, infinite, multi-dimensional, mysterious, endlessly creative, divine and capable of anything I turn my attention to. This voice has nothing at all to defend or prove, so it doesn’t shout or play dirty tricks. But it is ever present, and I’m learning more and more to hear its song within me, which rings with the purity of timeless truth. Its sweet, quiet melody is like the vast lake that my ego constantly gushes into and out of, without even realising it.

So, I will sit with myself in all of my flawed human-ness, and I will love it all. My intention for the three days is gratitude. Gratitude for this gift of life, for mother Earth and the endless wonders of nature, for father sky and the endless mysteries of the cosmos and for the entirety of all that I am, ego and all… 🙂

See you on the other side. xx

lake ripple

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