I’m almost at the end of rather a hermit-like year, living and working at the wonderful Anam Cara retreat centre. It has felt like an incubation period, where I’ve been somehow laying down the ground-work for my next chapter, like a caterpillar turning to mush in its chrysalis. I still feel like I’ve been working hard, but the focus of my work has been inward rather than outward, and the fruits intangible and mysterious, and still to be fully tasted and appreciated.
Incidentally, the scientific term for the caterpillar goo in the chrysalis is ‘imaginal cells’, which feels perfect. In these times where we go inward, we know we’re ready to move beyond our caterpillar self but we don’t yet know what our future butterfly self will look like. So we use this transitional time in the darkness to dream and imagine. Then, when the time is right, our energy goes outwards rather than inwards once more, and the butterfly takes shape, in all of its technicolor glory!
So, my dreaming has led me to commit to following a mysterious but persistent calling within me to visit Mexico, which has been with me for a while now. It feels like an extension of the pilgrimage walk I did from the midlands to Cornwall via ancient sites a couple of years ago. As usual, my mind doesn’t really understand why I need to do this, but a deep heart-knowing within me whispers gently and endlessly that it’s my destiny; the next chapter on my path.
My main aim for the journey is to use it as an experiment to live from intuitive heart-space as much as possible rather than the mind. What this means in practical terms is that, as far as possible, I want to leave the journey open to opportunity and synchrony, allowing my intuition, gut instinct, heart and innate wisdom to show me the way. So, this means minimal advance planning, which I know will feel like a challenge to me at times, although is an approach I’ve definitely mellowed into over the years. Of course, I know there always needs to be a balance, so I have purchased the Lonely Planet and will continue to be a savvy traveller. But I certainly will avoid using it unless I really have to.
The reasons for this experiment are two-fold. Firstly, if I am on any kind of structured path, it is the path of stalking my inner world to root out fears and bring them into the clear light of day for scrutiny, at which point their power inevitably wanes and, with courage and persistence, they are revealed to be phantoms of the mind and can ultimately be released. Then, the energy that went into defending myself against this illusory fear becomes available for positive, love and peace-based ends instead – and this is an approach that is really working for me (the proof will forever be in the pudding!). This is the true alchemy of the heart; transmuting fear to love. So, giving up all semblance of what would be considered security on paper (home, job, relationship), taps into some deep bedrock fears regarding security and lack, and allows me to confront them head-on. The ability to finally let go of old fear-based belief patterns most often comes down to faith and trust in something bigger than us – the great mystery, creation, spirit, source, God – whatever you want to call it. And I really want to walk my walk now and take a leap into the abyss in full surrender, with total faith that a safety net will appear beneath me. It’s taken me a while to get to this point, but finally I feel ready.
Secondly, I passionately believe that our species is at a critical time in our evolutionary path. Our poor ailing mother Earth can’t sustain much more of our appalling treatment and disrespect of her. And the only way we’re going to get out of this is by elevating our consciousness, healing ourselves, remembering the inter-connectivity of everything and bringing ourselves back to balance. I feel a big part of this process has to be creating space in our lives and in our collective vision of the world for the more mysterious side of ourselves to rise again.
For the last few thousand years, female energy of intuition, mystery, being, nurturing and connection has been suppressed, disrespected, misunderstood and all-out denied, and within this energy lies our connection to spirit/the mystery/the indefinable something bigger than us. In the male-energy dominated world we live in, where technology, progress, hierarchy, competition, attainment, status and rational thought dominate, we have sadly lost touch with this other, just as important side of ourselves. And this is the case for all of us, not just women – we all carry both energies within us and neither is more important than the other. How can it be, when both are entirely interdependent? But we each need to take personal responsibility at this time for balancing the energies within us, which, for most of us, means giving space for an upsurge of the female energy and an exploration of our spiritual, more mysterious nature, of which we have been starved for far too long. Instead of connecting to spirit, we have been trying to find meaning for our existence in other places, for example by worshipping at the altar of our material possessions and the latest technology and automation.
So, in order to ‘be the change I wish to see’, I am creating space to really tune into and listen to the voice of my heart and soul, which is a much quieter voice than my mind’s voice. And heart-knowing, in its infinite mystery and beauty, blows mind’s attempts at knowing out of the water, every time. Really, when in balance, mind is simply there to translate the knowing of heart into concrete action and give it a direction to move into. Every visionary, every creative genius, all those who have shunted the human species along to another level of its evolutionary path, has been coming from the mystery of heart-space then using mind to translate this into a usable framework. We are never going to think our way to an elevated state of consciousness – our heart and soul form the gateway for evolutionary growth. The heart-knowing is ‘divine inspiration’, it’s becoming a channel for the great mystery to flow through you and manifest as original thought on the planet. It’s bigger than us. And we need it now, perhaps more than ever.
So, for these reasons, I am heading off into the unknown, heart-first and will ‘be’ my way around Mexico as much as possible, really tuning into each moment to discern the next step, and allowing mystery to shape my horizons. I will bring back tales from the road as I go… 🙂
PS If you are interested in this topic, I have started putting out short videos on youtube with my thoughts on various subjects I feel passionate about at this stage of humanity’s evolutionary cycle. It’s all very experimental, very much work in progress, and so far has been more of an arena for me to face more of my own fears (which include ‘putting my thoughts out there to be heard/judged/rejected’ and, ironically, ‘my own ego’!) than anything else at this stage, although my intention long-term is certainly to serve and help as best I can through sharing my own experiences. In the end I just decided to stop prevaricating for fear of failure (so many blimmin’ fears!), make a start and celebrate the perfection that lies in the imperfection of an enthusiastic beginner! So, if you feel drawn to watch, here is a link to my latest chat, which goes into this same topic of giving the heart space, in a bit more detail. And here is a link to another talk I did, with guidance on how to tell the difference between the knowing voice of your heart and soul versus your mind voice (sorry it’s a bit blurry – learning curve lol!).