Yesterday was the full moon, and felt very powerful indeed to me. I am increasingly in synch with the lunar cycle and have started offerings women’s gatherings with each new and full moon, along with a gorgeously wise soul-sister. It feels like very important, meaningful work at this time to hold space to bring the sisterhood together, as women are being called to step up, become visible in the world, find their voices and own their power.
Anyhow, it was a timely day of lunar empowerment for me, as earlier that day I had become aware of myself slipping back into old, unhelpful energy patterns, where I let my power drain away. During my retreat in Scotland I had really stepped into my power. It mostly feels like a soft, gentle power of the mother energy, which can hold and contain everything with love and acceptance. But its gentleness does not detract from its great strength and depth, and the Kali energy of action is always there in the wings to be called upon when it is wise to do so; this is the fierce energy that destroys what no longer serves and that stands for justice and truth. Then there’s the wild, sensuous goddess power, which I feel when I dance, sing and drum – at these times I am simply a conduit to let different energies flow through me, yet conversely it’s when I feel I creatively express myself most fully. And then there’s the innocent, child-like energy of the elemental nature spirit who feels the joyful freedom of skipping through the wet grass in bare feet, chatting to the insects and animals and smelling the flowers, hugging the trees. And of course the irreverent, earthy one who likes to eat pizza and cake, drink cider and wine and who finds farts amusing and loves to belly laugh with gusto. The empowered divine feminine is all of these things and much more, she is multi-faceted, rich and complex. And the power comes from allowing all of these different facets to express and flow through us with ease and grace, without censor or control.
So, having really felt in my power in Scotland, and having felt the magnetic attraction of this to others, which arises through no conscious intent, just as a natural by-product that comes from inner fullness, inner acceptance and self-love, it was painful to observe how I was giving it away again yesterday. I was moving back into the space of not feeling enough and trying to fill the void within me from things and people outside of me. It was a sense of pouring myself into moulds that I thought I should inhabit, in order to be approved of, accepted and loved. There’s such an anxiety to this energy, as my mind tries to work out who I ‘should’ be, what I should do. There’s a fear of ‘getting it wrong’, failure and rejection. It’s old, old stuff, which has followed me into all of my relationships and jobs and which I am done with now. I let a lot of this go in the pine trees of Scotland, when I did a powerful burial ceremony, burying a pine cone to represent this old version of myself I was leaving behind. And I know this ceremony worked, most of this energy now lies as compost in the Scottish Highlands, being transformed into fresh, positive life by the earth. But… it’s like we’ve emptied the bowl of stodge but we still need to take a spatula and scrape the edges clean. We commit to releasing an old pattern, and the universe perhaps just likes to give us a few tests of our commitment to this new way of being, as echoes and residues of the old energy arise. To me it feels like tying up loose ends and affirming a resounding ‘yes’ of commitment to the universe.
So, this all feels very much part of the work I did during my rite of passage solo fast, where I committed to maturation, to stepping into full womanhood/adulthood. In this new chapter there’s no room for these old energies, so they must go now, and I am so grateful I clocked the echoes of the old yesterday and was able to harness the power of the moon and the sisterhood to help me transmute them.
To finish, I will include an extract from my journal entry yesterday, which documents my process of moving from old to new energy and reclaiming my power. Towards the end of the entry, as often happens, a different energy moved through my pen, a higher version of myself, and provided the cosmic perspective. I hope you enjoy… 🙂
“Today I walked along the swift, swollen river, about to burst its banks, and was struck by how full it was. There was an alluring edginess to being so close to it – I wanted to draw near, to appreciate its magnificence, deep power and beauty. Yet I also knew that at any moment this river would spill its watery depths onto the land in an act of dramatic destruction, which would ultimately nourish and fertilise the earth with its fluvian deposits. I was attracted yet utterly respectful. And, still, the gentleness of water was there – swans slid gracefully by on its surface, unperturbed by the mighty power that surged beneath them.
This is the power of the divine feminine, which incorporates the ability to give and take life. It is why it is so attractive, magnetically so, yet also can be fearful and elicits due respect.
This evening, under a clear, full moon I felt a huge surge of powerful kundalini energy flow through my body and I felt like the river, utterly replete and full to the brim of my own authentic self. I howled, laughed, writhed my body in a strange, serpentine dance and chanted a mantra that came through me:
Flow like the snake, flow like the snake, flow like the snake up my spine.
The roots go down and the branches go up,
So flow like the snake up my spine.
This happened through me, because I was so full of myself, of my own power and self-belief in that moment, that I could become the circuit connector between heaven and earth. These aspects met in the fullness of me and found substance enough to meld and merge, express and create.
This is what the cosmos longs for, and this is what women are being called to embody now. To fill ourselves up with ourselves, for no audience, no reason, just because it’s who we are and it’s our God-given right to express this.
This is our power, our magnetic attraction, and all good things will be drawn to us from this place. I felt that so strongly tonight. The power is non-local, it ripples through the entire cosmos, as though we’re the spider at the centre of the infinite web of life, gently strumming the strings just through the simple vibration of our sublime, authentic essence.
This is how we’re going to change the world, sisters, simply through being our authentic, magnificent selves….“