A fateful night

I’m writing this from the communal computer as mine is suffering, not for the first time, from the dreaded ‘black screen of death’. It’s with Mr Ragu (surprisingly he’s Indian, not Italian), the computer doctor at the moment, and I’m crossing my fingers that I don’t lose all of my work, eek…

Anyway, guess what time my computer decided to royally let me down? On midnight on the first of the month, that’s when. Anyone who’s applied to study at KPAYI before will appreciate the huge inconvenience of this! As explained in a previous post, competition to study at the main shala in Gokulum is so high that applications have to be in as close to midnight on the 1st as you can manage, otherwise you don’t stand a chance. After some more deliberation, following yet more KPAYI horror stories, I decided to go for it regardless. I’m here, I’m available, let’s just have a go and, if I get in, if nothing else it’s a journalistic opportunity to provide my own take on what’s actually going down in the main shala these days.

So, my alarm went off at 11:30pm, I donned my headtorch so as not to wake Chris, fired up my computer and… nothing. Was it a sign for me not to apply?! But, stubbornly, I decided I wasn’t going to be diverted from my mission and I did the old “Are you awake?” hiss to Chris, loud enough to wake him. Bless him, he rallied and, between the two of us and some grumpy monosyllabic exchanges, we managed to apply on his tablet, having to download a photo compressor app from the internet in order to meet all of the application’s notorious jobsworth requirements. Mission accomplished.

I feel quite fatalistic about it now – if I don’t get in I’ll probably feel relief mixed with vague regret, and I’ll probably feel more-or-less the same if I do get in.

In other news, my body still feels more like that of a fitness-averse octogenarian than a nubile, enthusiastic yogi; I am still on an emotional rollercoaster, which rises to moments of beautitude (like when Vinay asks me to do some ridiculous back-bending contortion that belongs firmly in the realm of circus tricks and, then, suddenly I’m doing it – who knew?!) and then plummets to sulky irritation, low mood and, sometimes, inexplicable sadness; I’ve started second series with Vijay, but he’s taking it very steady, which is probably good for me; oh, and I took out my belly button ring the other day for the first time in nearly six years.

The reason for the last piece of ‘news’, is that I had an excellent Thai massage (to be honest it felt more like a healing experience) with a French guy, Patrick. He told me that my belly button ring’s metal was blocking energy flow through my body. People tell you all kinds of stuff out here. It makes me realise the importance of listening to and trusting your own intuition at all times. In this case, maybe he’s right – I’ve had so many interesting and helpful experiences with energy work over the last few years that I’m increasingly open to such notions. Plus, I feel ready to lose the bling. The significance of the ring is that it’s the first ‘rebellious’ thing that I think I ever did, at the grand old age of 30 – yes, 30! Talk about a slow-starter… But now I don’t feel the need for such a statement and, as my hands instinctively reach for my navel to twiddle the ring, it’s actually a pleasant surprise to find soft, natural skin where there was once a piece of silver. Back to basics feels good… 🙂

2 thoughts on “A fateful night

  1. You may not talk to me again but my gut feel on your behalf (if that’s even aloud!), is Explore India, travel, go on holiday, do a cookery course, stay at a nature reserve, take in the delights of hill stations, beaches, treks. Do your own beautiful practice as and when it suits you and your body!!

    Bye! Love Satty X

    Sent from my iPad


    1. Thanks Satty – your words are sooo tempting! I am still deliberating things, but I know myself, and I sense a good process is happening, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now! I know I’ll regret it if I don’t stick it out at least another month. But, don’t you worry, I will certainly be leaving time for exploration before heading back! 🙂 xx

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